I already know the answer. I just can't make myself do it.

Late 30s woman here. 4 years dating, 2 years married. I just needed to write this somewhere. I'll take criticism, advice, whatever. Honestly just want to hear from people who've been through real conflict with a partner.

My husband has anger management issues and adult ADHD. His personality is just... intense. Super self-centered, super defensive, always.

Whenever we disagree about something, we can't talk it out. Like at ALL. Instead of hearing a different opinion and actually engaging with it, he just decides I'm defying him. Disrespecting him. And then he explodes. He goes after me. The words he uses when he's upset are violent, degrading. His behavior gets physical too.

And after all of that? Nothing. No apology. No acknowledgment. Just... nothing. Actually it gets worse because he'll double down to justify what he did. To make his own behavior look okay. Which means MORE damage to me in the process.

So what do I do every single time. I wait. I de-escalate. I listen, I validate, I try to calmly bring the conversation back to earth. Me. Every time. MY emotions? Never resolved. Not once.

He knows it's wrong. He's said so. But it's always just anger, then avoidance. That's the whole cycle.

I've been called every name in the book. No apology for any of it.

And I just keep reaching out first. I keep being the one who extends the hand. Why am I still holding onto this.

I'm so tired. The hurt is deep and the resentment is building and I'm sitting here asking myself why I can't just let go. I'm not some woman who loses herself completely for love. I know my own worth. At least I thought I did.

Maybe I've shrunk so much I don't even notice anymore. Maybe it's the financial uncertainty. The job stuff. I don't know.

Every conversation ends with me being the only one who talked. That's the pattern. And it makes me feel worse every time but I keep going back into it.

Please be harsh with me. I need someone to be harsh. Because no matter how I look at it, one-sided tolerance for someone who treats you like garbage... that's not love. That's just me being too soft to walk away. And I want to wake up.

I just want to sit with a warm cup of coffee on a quiet afternoon and have someone tell me the truth. That's all this is.