my little sibling left without a single word and I still don't understand why

They were younger than me so of course I just assumed they'd outlive me. I thought losing our parents was the thing I'd have to brace for someday. not this.

they went first. so cleanly. left nothing behind, like they were never here at all. and I genuinely don't know why they made that choice. I don't know what was so unbearable. I don't know why I didn't see it. didn't they hate this world enough to erase every trace of themselves, but couldn't leave even ONE letter for us?

one year apart. we were literally best friends. called each other the most important person in the other's life. and they didn't say a word to me. NOT A WORD. how is that a best friend. how is that family. I was always on their side, always. so why not me. why didn't they tell me.

their birthday is coming up soon. they used to nag me CONSTANTLY about celebrating twice, both solar and lunar calendar, because they loved their birthday that much. loved it so much.

and now they're not here for it.

I'm going to ask them why someday. when I see them again. I have to.